Ugh! So when I first started this new job I got this office just past some double doors and down the hallway.  Despite the lack of window and frigid temp I was perfectly happy in my little island at the end of the hall.  Until one of the senior nurses pulled me aside to ask just what in the heck I thought I was doing.  Um- seeing patients?  Wrong answer.  I gave her my best smile and started in on my lofty ideas about a transformative therapeutic environment and how the unit was aesthetically lacking. She frowned- guess again.  Next, I tried explaining how I simply could not do my work in any other setting because my FILE CABINET was in there (and you just .do. not. separate a social worker from her papers, mkay.)

After catching me up on common sense 101 we all agreed that I needed to move, but playing musical offices was easier said than done.  It took a bit of scheming and intercepting a delivery of bookshelves, but finally I got in to the *Golden* office.  This was the office directly across from the other social worker, on the good side of the nurse’s station, where I had my very own bathroom (shower, too!) The air conditioner worked, the window had a decent view…I could go on, but the point here is that social workers are rarely motivated by money.    

So there I was, happy as a clam in my bigger, better office….the only problem was a slight squeak in the door.  The squeak got louder and louder until it turned into this eeEEEAAARRRCK kind of thing that could be heard all the way in the other room. That door got harder and harder to close, and by Friday I had to karate-chop it open in the mornings and lean waaaay back on the handle to lock it at the end of the day. 

Mr. Boss (along with everyone else on the unit) noticed this and suggested I fill out a maintenance request form.  Cuz nothing says ‘I’m a competent professional’ like getting stuck in your own office during a family session, and having to call the security guard on your cell phone to come let you out.  Double Ugh!  I was skeptical about using the user-friendly-thingy on our computer system but was pleasantly surprised when the maintenance guy showed up right away.  Turns out, he was just visiting a patient.  But! Once the real maintenance guy came, he “fixed” everything.

Not sure what combination of WD-40 and a chainsaw he used, but now I can’t keep the dang thing shut!  It pops open whenever the air conditioner comes on, when I’m typing, on the phone, or at other inopportune moments.  So now I really mean it when I say come find me….my door is ALWAYS open ;-)     

Married life Month:1

So tomorrow John and I can celebrate our one month anniversary (do ppl actually celebrate month long anniversaries for being married?? John says no.  Ok we'll just try and remember the one-year mark) Tomorrow I'm also going to harass remind my (former) landlord about sending my security deposit...again.  This man is getting on my.last.nerve.   In the midst of all the frustration and going back and forth about what paperwork he claims is needed, my sweet husband gives me an "out". Just have him call me, he says.  I blinked (I can do that???)  The feminist in me saw this as a cop-out.  A year ago, I would have hated the idea of using a guy to fix something for me.... But when you're married to that guy, it's more like, he's fixing it WITH you.  So Mr. Landlord got a terse and final email on the subject, with John's number and instructions to contact him if there was a problem.   Still waiting to hear back from him, but it's nice to know that whatever happens, there is always someone on my side now.  Marriage is pretty cool like that :-)     

Leah's 6 keys of wedding planning

Ok so these might not be keys, as much as guidlines.  Wedding planning can be a lot of fun,  but it can also turn in to a juggling stress-fest.  These are just some things I learned from planning mine.   

1. Realize "Wedding" is 40 Billion dollar a year industry.  In fact, just adding the word wedding to something seems to jack up the price by 1/3.  At the end of the day the vendors need make a profit so they can run their buisiness.  Magazines, bridal expos, and “helpful” websites will try to convince you that you can’t possibly get married without an event planner, monogrammed napkins & matching RSVP cards.  People have been getting married for thousands and thousands of years without all this frou frou and fanfare.  Fast forward to the 21st centery and now all the sudden you need 2-3 photo sessions so you can “bond” with your photographer.  Spend some time thinking about what you want (and don’t want!) out of the day.  What does the wedding mean to you/r fiancé?  What are yall trying to accomplish?  What are the non-negotiables, and would make you really dissapointed??  More importantly, ask these same questions, only substitute the word marriage for the word wedding- and you’ll be in much better shape.     

2.  Strategize  Every ceremony is made up of this equation (2 people+1 officiant) X venue= wedding. Everything else is just added to that foundation.   Start from the center and work your way out. What are your perameters in terms of time, money, and effort?  We had 4 months to put this together.  Given that I was also looking for a new job and needed to make arrangements to move right after the wedding, I had a lot of my plate.  So did my mother, who was opening a new clinic.  My fiance and his plate lived 4 hours away, in another state.  Neither of us could plan an elaborate event from scratch, nor did we want to.  Small, Simple & Soon quickly became our wedding mantra.  I strongly reccomend having a wedding mantra.  It makes decisions so much easier.  Get an all- inclusive wedding package at the venue? (wedding packages are your FRIEND!!!!)  Yes, please!  Adding an extra page to the programs for a closing prayer- no, thanks.  It comes down to having a game plan or criteria with which you and your fiance make decisions.     

3.  Prioritize & personalize.  Even Prince William & Kate had a budget for their wedding.  The list of things you may or might want to include on your day can go on forever and includes such things as a dove release, professional calligrapher, or unity candle.  But what elements are most important to you?  That's where you'll want to spend the bulk of your budget.  Just know that it WILL have ramifications down the road.  In economics this is called opportunity cost, because that budget works like a pie, not an all- you-can-eat- buffet.  The more money you spend in one area, the less you can use on something else.  That $15,000 dress might end up costing you a 3 tiered cake- are you ok with a cupcake tree instead?  Plan this out (on paper-using actual numbers!) and leave some room for additions/last-minute suprises.  Be flexible enough to cut some items, but get creative & keep an open mind.  You and your fiance are creating an event together, and the day should be a relfection of your taste, style, interests, and experiences. I couldn't have a live band at the reception AND get the strings quartet I always wanted to round out the ceremony- we used the DJ which came with the wedding package and got a strings trio once I realized the price and travel fees involved.  We also used a talented group of student musicians rather than hiring a pro (ditto for the engagement pics) and were quite pleased with the results.  We cut out the seating charts, unity candle, recieving lines, and  newspaper announcement.  Remember its yalls day. 

4. Organize.  What changes in your schedule/routine will yall need to make to accommodate all the time you will spend on ‘wedding stuff’?  Your weekends will get booked very quickly, so don't make a lot of plans.  Remember to sync up schedules with your fiance and keep everyone in the loop. Next decide who will be doing what. Which items do you need to hire a professional for?  There is no right or wrong answer, just do what works for you & make sure you get a signed contract for each vendor.  Will you be outsourcing by ordering those party favors, or will you set aside time to make them yourself? Plan ahead for realistic DIY projects so you have all the supplies and materials lined up ahead of time.  Not so crafty?  Ordering online saves a TON of time.  We mostly went with plain white stuff and just added ribbons in our wedding colors to everything.   Ribbons (or yellow flowers, or seashells) are waaay cheaper than special ordering, and the end result still looks cute.  Go for chohesive and coordinated to pick up the theme.  PS wedding websites are free to set up and can also help with the planning.  Wedding wire comes with an app and checklists that can really help.  Online or by hand, make sure to map out a detailed itenerary, checklist, playlist, and description of who is doing what.   

5.  Verbalize.  Communication is critical.  If it’s vendors, in-laws, or navigating budgets with the fam, listen to what they can realistically do (“The tailoring takes at least 3 weeks and of course we can special order this dress in another color- it will arrive the week before your wedding” ummmm-NO!) and be clear about your expectations and timelines.  Don’t be afraid to ask or speak up if you have a question about something & get everything in writing.  Don’t assume people know what they are “supposed” to do on the big day.  Each wedding is different and traditions vary from region, cultures, and faith.  It’s much easier to deal with an information over-share than to not know about something and miss an important detail. 

6.  Scrutinize other weddings.  You probably have friends, coworkers, or cousins who just got back from their honeymoon or are in the middle of planning it.  Draw from their experiences and commiserate with their missteps.  Which elements did you like?  What things could you copy from them or adapt?  First weddings in a family tend to have a lot of ‘mistakes’ because people under-estimate the amount of planning and time needed.  By watching some of my friend’s wedding videos I realized several things I thought I’d like might not be such a good idea.  I also saw things I’d need to plan for that never even occured to me.  Unless you or your guy have been in a lot of weddings, you might not know all the ins and outs to the day.  Google ettiquett/wedding/survival advice! 

Also, former brides tend to have a LOT of wedding stuff.  (Anyone need 20 purple poufy bows?  15 large center pieces? Chair covers??)   One day I'm going to create a warehouse where brides can stockpile all their unneeded wedding accessories for other brides to use.  But untill then don't be afraid to trade, borrow, or barter for what you need.  One of my photographer friends shot a wedding, for free, and in return she was able to get a very pricey artist to do hers.  Last but not least, if there's a need, pass on any of your stuff to another bride.  It's called Karma. 

a priest, a femminist and a minister.....

"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is:  I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute."  ~Rebecca West,

The femminist in me dies a slow & painful death.... 

The other day an acquaintance of mine posted a link on facebook to this article about wives honoring their husbands.  Just skimming the title,I thought I would like it, particularly since she has such a strong & Godly union with her husband and I respect her views on most things.  It...kinda made me gag.  So did Michelle Duggar's helpful little 'Tips for how to be a submissive wife' which I read this morning.  Now, it's not that I don't understand these biblical principals.  Once I started going to a baptist church I sat through plenty of sermons on honoring one's husband, that God won't give you someone you can't submit to, men need to be respected while women need to be loved- Any preacher worth his black suit will tell you this is NOT about the guy controlling or oppressing his wife.  Wife gets to have an opinion, she is a valued partner, she is to be treasured and loved.  (But, she still has to hold up her end of the bargain)

I remember talking to my (Episcopalian) priest's wife about these passages.  She said that before getting married, she was reading the verses about a wife submitting to her husand.  Afterwards, she slammed the Bible shut and threw it across the room, enraged.  It does NOT really say that?! I asked her  Oh...but it does, she told me.  Look it up. (Eph 5:22/ 1Peter 3:1)  This was right around the time when I was really getting into the NT and Paul's missionary trips.  I wanted to know what he had to say on the subject of women missionaries.  Having read so much of his work already, I was expecting a lot of encouragment for us gals.  Something along the lines of "...and you women are to do likewise and go out preaching the gospel..." Instead, I found this:
 ³⁴ Women^[f] should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. ³⁵ If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.^[g]
Are you freaking kidding me?!  I was a lector in the church....that meant I had been sinning this whole time- and didn't even KNOW it!  Yeah, that screwed with my head for a while.  Didn't like Paul so much anymore after that.

Then in college I was hearing a lot about Proverbs 31 Ministries on the radio, which was geared the spiritual development of Godly women/wives.  Once I got back to my dorm I looked this up, glad to finally have an answer to my question about what a Godly wife looks like...
Ok so here it is! Are ya ready!!  One of my life's missions, one of my greatest responsibilities as a married lady will be....(drumroll please)....

to gather WOOL & FLAX....I'm also supposed to organize my servants (ooh I like that part!) and dress my family in warmly, in red outfits (great for all the chilly Texas weather we have!) and wear purple clothes all the time (I can start a new fashion trend!)  I laughed so hard I cried. 

I can see some characteristics we might be going for here....chica's gotta work hard, plan ahead, be mindful of the needs of her family.  But other than that????  I'm stuck. 

Is femminism diametrically opposed to the Christian doctrine and world view?  The only slight bit of evidence I can come up with to the contrary is that Jesus himself spent time with women, included them in his ministry, and valued them as friends.  This seems to have been counter-cultural for his day, as women were basically treated like property, with all authority going to males.  Then again, who came up with that system??  Yeah.  He (and in an earlier passage by Paul) seem really big on equal-opportunity loving of thy neighbor, and specifically instruct us not to show favoritism because of gender, age, social class, or any other silly distinction we like to come up with so we can pick on each other.  But the rest of the Bible is def not so femminist-friendly.... just sayin.   

 

Valentine's Day (repost)

So this is a blast-from-the-past repost that I dug up today.  Way before there was facebook, and myspace hadn't been invented yet, all the REALLY cool kids had a....Xanga.  Yep.  Here's my post from Valentine's Day 2005:

Well happy single's recognition day... to everyone who, like me, is paitiently waiting for the right guy, and refuses to settle for something less, rock on!  I saw a very nice quote somewhere, you don't need a lover on Valentine's Day, just love.  I have been very blessed to have two wonderful parents, two best friends, a lot of other friends and guy-friends, and I can't forget Jonah.  Of course, the greatest gift of all is God's love for us, so much so that He couldn't stand the thought of being separated from us, and sent his only son to DIE on our behalf.  His love is unconditional, unending, and absolutly perfect.  Wow.  When you put it that way, this really is a happy Valentine's day.

Chicken nuggets of wisdom: On marriage

1)      Be of one accord with your spouse   ~Ms. W. (foster mom) married for 30+ years

2)      What’s the secret to marriage?  Longsuffering!  ~Collin’s dad, Terri, happily married to Leta

3) Marriage is like a roller coaster.  It’s going to have a lot of ups and downs.  Never make a big   decision  when you’re really up high, or when you're going through a down. That's the key...well, that and a good sex life. ~Sharon, my former program director.

4)Don’t be in a rush to get married, you have to date at least 50 of ‘em before you try to pick one ~My godmother, Lawlie, whom Dr. Sobiesk always referred to as his "bride", even when they were both in their 60s.

5) Learn to cook a chicken, bake a pie & don’t cut your hair. ~My grandmother.  Celebrated 60 years with my granddad.

6)   You can start dating when you're 16, but he needs to come over for dinner first so your dad and I can meet him.  When he comes to pick you up, I expect him to hold to door for you and treat you with respect...If we don't like him, I will tell you about it- once. Don’t worry about finding “Mr. Right” because nobody is perfect.  You have to find the man who’s right-for-YOU.   And he might not want to live in the storage shed behind our house.  ~Mom.  When I was about 7

7)      It’s good that you’re learning how to cook and everything, but what you really need to do is learn to make macaroni & cheese 4 nights in a row, THEN make a fabulous new recipe! ~Dad, last week

8)      You just need to understand that marriage is like a mirror that will reflect all of your flaws back to you. ~Moose

9)   No matter who I marry, she will be the happiest woman in the world.  Because that’s my job as a husband: to love unconditionally.  It’s not even about her.  ~Collin

10)   I don’t like him.  You can do so much better.  ~Brandon (NOT referring to John!)

11)   He’s not right for you. ~ Shane (again, NOT referring to John!)

12)   Terri: Does he go to church?

      Me: Yes

Terri: Does he smoke or chew?

Me: No

Terri: Does he drive a truck?

Me: He has a corvette

Terri: oh...well, I guess 2 outta 3 ain’t bad  

13)   Sara: I think he’s going to ask her to marry him.  Maddie: I think she should say yes ~Flower girl

14)The 3 most important words a husband can tell his wife are: Just buy it.  The best way to win an argument is to remember these two words: Yes, dear.  The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.  , ~ toast @ Brett/Jen’s wedding

15) You’re a very special girl.  One day you’re gonna find a nice guy who realizes this. ~Byron, social work buddy

16) Don’t date a guy thinking you’re going to change him.  Find a guy you like so much you don’t WANT him to change. ~Hayley’s mom, Janice. 

17) How do you know when it’s love?  You just…know.  ~Chelsea’s mom, Linda

18) You love to argue all the time but when you get married your husband will always have the last word. It will be: Yes, dear! ~Mr. Mahurin, high school teacher.

19) Marriage is great!  Now we each have our “fun money.” She can’t say anything when I buy a new video game & I don’t say anything when she gets a new pair of shoes. ~Collin   

20) Don’t go to an orange tree looking for apples ~Elizabeth’s dad, on why it’s a good idea to find a guy through the church

21) Marriage is….it’s so awesome!!! ~Sean, married to Lhuree 1 month ago

22) You have to start off every day doing something nice. ~my dad, who brings my mom coffee in bed, every morning.

23) I know that God picked her for me....so if something's wrong, it's not God's fault.  I screwed up. ~my dad

24) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. ~St. Paul the apostle.

25) Being married is not all that different, really.  I just buy a lot more toilet paper now. ~ Collin

26) Don't come back here with anything you didn't take with you...know what I'm sayin ~ my grandmother, before my brother went on spring break.

27) You know we love you and we have the guest room so you and John can always come over for a visit....But when you have a fight, and you will, don't you come over here.  You keep your butt in Louisiana and work things out with your husband!  ~my mom/dad 

28) The man is the head of the household & Satan will always attack the head first.  So we have to pray for our husbands ~ Erika

29) It's so different when we fight now.  I know he's not goin anywhere, and he knows I'm not goin anywhere, so it's like, can we get this over with already? I have to pick up the kids from soccer. ~ my fav professor, Dr. Rene Brown.

30) Marriage is hard work, girl!  It's something you have to work at every single day. ~Jen

31) You really have to learn to fight fair ~Ashley

32) Marriage doesn't actually change anything, you just get more of what's already there. ~Me

33) Don't get chili sauce on your wedding dress ~girls only worksop @ SBC

34) Sieze the day...or the night! ~ Johnathan

35) Just because a guy buys you a drink doesn't mean you have to give him your number ~ Jason

36) Would you wait for me?  We're supposed to do this together. ~ John

37) Ladies, find an Ephesians 5 guy! ~ Brady, college minister @ MSU

38) He has to be the spiritual leader in the relationship.~ Candice

39) If he doesn't respect you enough to wait...then he can just get to steppin ~ Joshua

40) What kind of shoes should you wear for a first date!?  Trust me, if you're doing things right, he won't be looking at your shoes~ Collin

41) Positives go on facebook, negatives in private ~Mandy & Mel

42) Don't neglect the physical aspect of a marriage.  If ask you husband what you can do to show that you love him....trust me ladies, he's not going to want you to make him a sandwich ;-)
 ~radio thing

Psalm 145:18 The Lord draws near to those who pray to Him, to all those who truly pray.

About a week ago this verse jumped out at me and kind of stuck with me throughout the day.

 As most of you know, I have been looking for a new job in Lafayette for about a month.  After sending out numerous applications, going on interviews, expanding my search area, and getting creative, I had gotten stuck.  I had done all that I could but could not make this happen by myself.  Before I left the office Wed evening I started to pray.  Hard.  I knew God had a job for me.  Whatever it was I would do it, and do it the best I could.  At that point I knew He would have to provide it because there was nothing more I could do about it.  The next morning I got a call- it was a job offer (and yes, I have accepted the position.) 

The really cool thing is this exact scenario played out before.  A few years ago I was new to Houston, didn’t know anybody, and looking for a job.  I was definitely making the effort-  looking every day, putting in applications, following up etc- but nothing was really happening.  One night I prayed and just gave the whole process over to God.  Whatever He gave me to do- I promised I would do it, and asked for Him to give me a job (any job) and soon!  The next day I got a call to come in for an interview and got the position.  God has literally dropped something in my lap every since I was 14 and got my very first job as soccer referee.  He has always come through for me in so many areas, just as soon as I get out of the way and LET Him.....This is SO hard for me though!!!

"Hello, my name is Leah, and I’m a micro-manager"

I thrive on being control & calling the shots.  The more anxious I get about something the more I need to be in control.  I wish there was a 12-step group for this, but I would probably take over and turn it into a 13-step group.  The opposite of worry is prayer.  I love the promise found in Matthew 6:28   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. that God will meet all of our needs and provide for us (abundantly even!) Our job is simply to immerse ourselves in his Kingdom.

Going back to that first part-about truly praying.  God has really been calling me out on this lately; showing me what prayer is and is not.  God delights when His children turn to him in prayer.  I already knew that.  That’s why I used to try and recite one of 2 prayers every morning.  These were really good prayers, from church camp even, with flowery language and it pretty much covered all the bases, plus, I knew starting off the day “right.” Then there were times I’d say my God-I-just really-need want you to do x,y,andz prayer.  Occasionally I’d throw in an oh- btw,- sorry- about- that- sin- I- committed, finishing with a p.s: thanks- for- sending- your- son- to- die- on- the- cross.  But He never responded to these pre-packaged and half-hearted prayers.

 In Matthew 17:20 He tells us we can pray for specific things, and we are encouraged to do so, as long as it’s in a spirit of advancing His kingdom. My praying for a job could not be one of those genie in a bottle kind of things.

As I move towards TRULY praying, I find it helpful to first spent time in the word.  Marinate in it.  This means not just doing quiet time for the sake of doing quiet time, which I never get anything out of anyway (except a slight feeling of superiority, cuz I’m over here doing my morning quiet time while all those other slackers are still asleep!)

There is no order of operations with true prayer- this cannot be emphasized enough.  The more I try to get into a routine of following a certain formula or pattern, the less God is present in my prayer life.  I’ve found that for me to get anything out of my quiet time requires a certain amount of humility (=a lot!)  Pride kills a prayer life.  But coming from a place of humility, prayers of praise, thanksgiving, and confession and intercession just naturally flow out.  Praying over certain situations is fine, but those prayers need to be broad enough to allow God to work.  Rather than pray for a specific outcome, I try to adopt a spirit of acceptance for God’s plan.  Unless I’m at that point of truly being open and receptive to His answer, God’s not going to give me one.  And He knows the difference.  One last thing, I do my best praying lying down on the floor.  Not to say this is the “correct” posture, but when I fully acknowledge my dependence on Him and give Him 100% of my attention, that position just comes naturally.

But wait!...What about unanswered prayers??

This can be the most frustrating thing in a believer’s life, and has always raised questions for me.  If you pray about something and He delivers it… *praise!* It was “meant to be!  If you pray about something, but it doesn’t happen, then either:

a)That wasn’t God’s plan 

b)You just need to wait

c) God’s trying to teach you something.   

d) all of the above

I’ve heard some version of this explanation from other Christians (and especially churches who preach health & wealth doctrines.) Logically, this makes no sense.  It totally gets God off the hook, then puts all the responsibility back on the person!  Plus this omniscient and omnipotent God is going to do whatever he wants anyway, so what’s the point?  But the more I read the Bible the more I’m seeing how the prayer of one person actually changes God’s outcome:

Abraham prays for God to consider the righteous people of Sodom (Genesis 18:16-33)

Moses prays for God to spare the Isrealites (Exodus 32:9-14)

Hezekiah prays for his life to be extended (2kings 20:1-6)   

If just one person can do all that- imagine what a whole group of believers might accomplish! (Esther 4:16) We are instructed in 1 Thess 5:17 to pray without ceasing.  This is my challenge, now that I have my job, to keep praying and mature into a greater prayer life.  So- shoot my a text, send me an email, write me a facebook and let me know what I can pray for you about!