Do you know what Today is?!

This is a very special time for me.  November is National Adoption Month, and National Adoption Day falls on the 19th this year.  Nov. 19th is also Survivors of Suicide Day.  Both of these are near and dear to my heart, so today you get a two-for-one special. 

 For info on adoptions you can 

• Check out the TARE website:www.dfps.state.tx.us/adoption_and_foster_care/  
• Visit us online http://www.catholiccharities.org/en/cms/?18
• Read adoption stories on this blog http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption

This month I finalized on 5 adoptions- a new record!  Going to court for the consumation is by far my favorite part of this job, but it's a very small part.  The rest of the time I'm behind the scenes, making sure the needs of these children are met while moving towards the holy grail in this buisiness: permanency.  People think foster kids get bounced around a lot.  That's because foster kids get bounced around alot.  Some move 3,4, even 5 times before they get a "forever family" while some kids never do.  Some kids stay for 2 weeks, others for 2 years (or longer).   However long they are with us, we make sure that they are as safe, loved, and connected as possible.  Regardless of if a child is a bio-kid, foster kid, or adoptive kid, at the end of the day we are all God's children. 
 
Being pro-life or anti-abortion is great.  BUT we also have to look at the bigger picture and step up to care for these children once they do make their way into this world..  These kids come in every shape, size, color, and ability level there is and need a lot of support.  I strongly encourage all my pro-life friends out there to consider becoming a foster/adoptive parent.  If you can't do that, volunteer, donate, or become a respite care provider.  I cannot emphasize enough the great need for loving and flexible foster/adoptive parents. 

Adoption is an incredibly special way to build a family.  A lot of people don't understand this intracate little world.  There is straight adoption, where the infant goes directly from the birth mother to the adoptive parents.  This decision made by choice, and financed by the adoptive parents.  I mostly work with foster-to-adopt (or legal risk) where the child has come into CPS custody due to abuse or neglect.  After a judge terminates parental rights, he can be placed for adoption by DFPS with the foster/adoptive parents recieving a small stipened for his care.  There are lots of misconceptions and misnomers out there, so just to clarify, we say:

Birth mother…..not real mother (adoptive parents are not fake, I promise!)

Placed for adoption or making an adoption plan….not give up or put up (what is this, a garage sale?)

Parent…instead of keep (all birth parents can keep their baby- they choose adoption because they cannot parent him)

_____  Survivor...not Victim

Adoption is the only thing in the world built on multiple losses.  Without losses from each side, there  could be no adoption.  Because of this, we do a lots and lots of grief work up front with clients, which is followed by more grief/loss work as we go.  The two go hand in hand, so in a way, I've become very familiar with this on a professional level.  Personally, I'm glad, as it might have prepared me a little bit to work through my own grief and loss year when one of my best friends committed suicide. 

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One of my biggest regrets will always be the time I lectured him about going to counseling.  I should have listened, or asked some better questions (hey, have you ever thought about hurting yourself?)  Instead, I became impatient.  Something was off- something was really bothering him, and I was just eager to have my friend back.  So I tried my best to convince him to get help.  I pointed out that we had the exact same insurance-and weren’t we lucky to be Americans with health insurance!  The $20.00 co-pay for a few sessions with a therapist would be money well spent, I told him.  Friend was still skeptical, so I added something about how you can look this info up online, even read bios before making an appointment.  That way you know if the therapist is a good match for you.  There is nothing wrong with going to counseling (I have) so why not give it a shot, I asked him.  It's not going to make anything worse.  My friend said that he would think about it.  In other words- that discussion was over.  A few days later I almost brought it up again, but I stopped myself.  I figured I would have to wait until he was truely ready to go.  Well, that never happened.  After a week or two everything went back to normal.  He spent the next 4 months being the random, funny, supportive guy he always was.  The last thing he talked to me about was going on this camping trip with a bunch of friends.  I had no idea what I’d be going to instead.  Nobody did. 

About 2 months later, a family who is very special to me lost their granddaughter/niece/cousin to suicide.  They had no idea, either.  It's hard not to ask why and it's harder to know there are no answers, not to those questions anyway.  But there ARE questions we can ask.  Questions we have to ask.

If you get a cavity...you to go the dentist.

If you need glasses...you see an ophthalmologist

Why….is it so hard to get help for an emotional problem?
                                      *

Nobody thinks less of their friend who is diagnosed with diabetes.

Nobody minds visiting their relative in the hospital after surgery.

Nobody would be embarrassed to ask for time off when they have a baby.

Why... is depression so different? 
                                      *

We can talk about the obesidy epedimic in this country.
We can talk about research for breast cancer.
We can talk about the difficult economy
Why...can't we talk about shame, lonliness, and mental health? 

 

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (http://www.afsp.org/) says

• Every 14.6 minutes someone in the United States dies by suicide.
• Nearly 1,000,000 people make a suicide attempt every year.
• 90% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable and treatable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.

Things CAN get better- with the right help.  Some resources to help include:  

National Suicide Helpline 1-800-TALK (8255)

http://www.afsp.org/

http://www.council-houston.org/ (713) 942-4100

http://www.intracare.org/ 713-790-0949

http://www.mhmraharris.org/ 713-970-7000

http://www.menningerclinic.com/ 713-275-5000

www.catholiccharities.org/counseling_intro/ 713-874-6590

http://www.rightstep.com/ 1-87-sobriety (1-877-627-4389)

                                           

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.