Good Grief

(May 2009) I was half-way through my graduate program and trying to arrange my schedule for the next semester.  One class offered was Grief.  Another was Shame.  Yeah, cuz THAT sounds appealing I thought sarcastically, and scrolled down to see what else was offered.  Then I ran into a friend who just raved about the Shame class.  “You HAVE to get in” she gushed, “It will change your life!!!”   Hmmmm..... pretty sure I wasn’t going to be saying that about any of my other classes: Transtheoretical Framework or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual part IV.  I decided to give it a shot and  took survived Dr. Brown’s pyschoeducational boot camp that is Shame/Authenticity*.  Juliette was right- it did change my life.

As much as the Shame class changed my life (in terms of the way I process things, relate to others, view myself, and understand emotions) I am really wishing I would have taken the Grief/loss course instead. 

The more I work in adoption, the more this comes up. In fact, 90% of adoption IS grief/loss work.  Unless and until these issues are honestly dealt with (what we in social-work land call “processing”)nothing else happens.  Not better behavior.  Not improved grades or increased self-esteem.  Nothing.  So here I am trying to help my clients move through these issues but I don’t have a clue what I’m doing need more experience with this area…. And  dang it if my graduate program didn’t offer a class on this very thing! But nooOOOoooo I had to take Shame instead!!! *palm to face*

On a more personal level, as of this Saturday I will have gone to 4 funerals in less than 6 months- not counting one I couldn’t attend.  Only 2 of those were expected, btw.  Mathew 5:4 says Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted….I’ve been doing a whole lot of that lately (the mourning part anyway). My old sociology professor, Dr. Stiles, said that everyone thinks they need “closure” after the death of a loved one.  The thing is you can get closure on a house, but there really is no getting closure on death.  This is where the grief/loss comes in.  Shame class was great, but I'm really starting to regret not taking Grief.  Maybe then I’d be more prepared for this.  For now, all I can do is take things one day at a time.  And buy more Kleenex.

*for more on Dr. Brown's work, please visit her website http://www.brenebrown.com/